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Joke of the Day

"Today is national suicide prevention day.. so remember.. If you see any suicide bombers...... Shoot them."

"Why will no one watch the Olympic games this year only old men will be competing"

"Astrogeologists: do telescope/remote sensing on distant objects. Astrologists: use horoscope/do not remotely make sense/object when dissed."

"WIFE [in labour] GOD MAKE IT STOP MIDWIFE: The baby's WIFE: NO, THE NOISE ME [stops playing pan pipes] Is the nurse being too loud, love?"

"When my wife pisses me off, I get on her Pinterest and pin lots of mediocre shit, like cupcakes that just look like cupcakes."

"Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted."

"Nothing says 'almost caught masturbating' like having your mum walking in on you looking at the Google homepage."

"hi (sorry for bad english)"

"Why did the Catholic church decide to abandon science? Light stopped having mass"

"A racist man laments... If people gave him $1 for every racist thing he said or done he'd be able to make a small contribution of 1 million dollars to Donald Trump's campaign."