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Joke of the Day

"""My god, it's the zombie apocalypse. Everyone grab the most critical items and get ready to run"" *me holding a Shrek 2 DVD* Way ahead of you"

"Why are bees the superior species? They have a built in suicide switch."

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a mosquito Go away sucker!"

"I met a cute deaf girl at a bar the other day... ... that bitch still hasn't returned any of my calls."

"In Russia, Jesus finds you."

"What would happen if for one day nobody could make calls with their cellphone in the United States? Literally nothing, because nobody fucking ever answers their phone to begin with."

"Santa has elves. America has China."

"A Linux Joke In computing, what's the only way to generate a truly random string? Put a Windows user in front of VI and tell him to quit."

"Tomorrow is Saturday... ...that means i only have to worry about work, i don't have to actually be there."

"Did you hear about the man who was found dead shortly after insulting one Mr. T Crews? He died of dissin' Terry."