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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the man who was found dead shortly after insulting one Mr. T Crews? He died of dissin' Terry."

"These microwaved pot stickers taste like fixed income."

"Whats the first thing you do when you spill something on your keyboard? Try to disable sticky keys."

"A blonde a brunette and Ellen Pao walk into a bar... This content has been censored by Ellen Pao because it was harassing her personal interests"

"I found a TV on the sidewalk in front of a house. The owner had left a note. ""Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."" I thought to myself, ""I can't turn that down!"""

"In his new book of poems, John Ashbery rhymes ""coagulate"" with ""indeed."" It's like he's not even trying."

"ME: bae, you wanna go out? HER: hell yeah ME: ok pliz close the door on your way out I need to play FIFA alone."

"A cannibal is just a foodie who likes other foodies."

"Synonym is just another word for a word that means the same thing as another word."

"Why did the arsonist go to the gym? To burn some calories."