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Joke of the Day

"RIP Ronaldo's Moth. The world's most famous footballing insect has died after a long and illustrious career. He was 6 weeks old."

"Me:(Standing on a Bosu Ball at bootcamp) No one tells us what to do. Trainer(rolling eyes) Rene, get down. You asked me to teach this."

"How many Hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Hippies screw in dirty sleeping bags!"

"Why did the hipsters die of dehydration? They stayed away from the mainstream."

"What do you call movie night at Bill Cosby's house? Netflix and pill"

"Researchers found a deep-ocean microbe which could explain transition from simple to complex cells However, it passed away before it even had begun explaining."

"An opossum is just a regular possum that reenacts the diner scene from When Harry Met Sally."

"I asked my gay friend if he'd like to smoke a fag (cigar) with me He got all upset and said I was really homophonic"

"My doc said that I should stop smoking and drinking immediately. What does he care what I'm doing in the waiting room?"

"Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A: They don't have balls to scratch."