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Joke of the Day

"A Chinese man goes to the doctor because of failing eyesight. DR. ""Mr. wong it looks like you have a cataract."" Mr. Wong "" No no I drive Rincon."""

"What did one elevator say to the other? I think I'm coming down with something."

"Water is good for you? I call bullshit. My phone drank some one time and guess what? IT DIED!"

"Young lady to father ""Daddy when I grow up shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor "" ""Dentist"" ""Why father ?"" ""We have only one heart but 32 teeth!"""

"In the future a kid asks his grandfather a question. -Grampa? What does this tattoo mean? -Ahh, sonny, it's TIFU. Today I ff...uck."

"Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the day... Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!"

"I was Saddam tired last night.... I slept like Iraq..."

"[first date] me: don't let her know you vocalise everything you think her: what? me: shit she knows"

"If Alcoholics Had Written The Declaration Of Independence would we have government of the pickled, by the pickled, and for the pickled?"