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Joke of the Day

"Never take ecstasy with a squirrel named... hey, squirrel dude, what's your name? Charles? Never take ecstasy with a squirrel named Charles."

"What's the difference between a hooker and a politician? A hooker stops screwing you when you run out of money."

"Women are like the Call of Duty games. If you play them for too long, you'll end up alone."

"What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!"

"my favorite pickup line... ""Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?"""

"It's only a matter of time before the casino realizes that baby I lost at the roulette table wasn't mine"

"What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker? 30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke."

"Why did the chicken cross the road?....To get to the idiots house. Knock knock....Who's there.....The Chicken"

"There's an apartment building in my neighborhood that's full of guys who think they're Jesus It's a Messiah Complex"

"Honey, I'm pregnant.. Hi Pregnant, I'm dad."