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Joke of the Day

"Never take ecstasy with a squirrel named... hey, squirrel dude, what's your name? Charles? Never take ecstasy with a squirrel named Charles."

"A teacher asks one of her students what the formula for water was... He said, ""H I J K L M N O"" Teacher: What? Student: Yesterday, you said the formula for water is H2O"

"What has 10 letters and starts with gas? An automobile"

"Me: ""people always think I'm gay! Do I put off a gay vibe?"" Guy whose back I'm massaging in a bubble bath: ""maybe a little"""

"Why is wheat a hillbilly grain? X/post from r/funny Because its inbread"

"What do a stoner lost in the desert and Bolivia have in common? They're both really high and have no access to water."

"Did you hear what happened when there was an epidemic of laryngitis at school? The school nurse sent everyone to the croakroom."

"Me: *trying to be cool* Scotch Bartender: Preference? Me: *nervously* hop Bartender: Bout time! *breaks out sidewalk chalk*"

"Why was Georg Ohm such a badass rockstar? Because he knew a squared amp and resistance gave you power"

"I'm really conflicted about abortion. I support killing babies, but I don't support giving women a choice."