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Joke of the Day

"Me: *trying to be cool* Scotch Bartender: Preference? Me: *nervously* hop Bartender: Bout time! *breaks out sidewalk chalk*"

"Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs"

"It's just a game but... last night Tom Brady was sacked more than milk and bread at the grocery store before a snow day"

"What do you call a dinosaur that likes spicy food? A mega-sore-ass."

"What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? How was your date with Chris Brown."

"Two peanuts where walking down the street... One was assaulted."

"Where does Russia get its water from? De-stalinization plants"

"What are parents that you can see through? Transparents"

"On the bus I was sitting on the bus and this super hot Thai girl gets on and sits next to me I think to myself ""Please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner"" She did."

"When Chuck Norris gives blood... ...he asks for a handgun and a bucket."