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Joke of the Day

"Guy in USA:(phone) you ready? Guy in Australia: (phone) hell yeah Both:123 *each drop a piece of bread onto ground* Both: EARTH SANDWICH!"

"A dad says to his son, ""Son, if you don't stop masturbating you're gonna go blind!"" The son replies, ""Hey Dad, I'm over here!"""

"What's wrong with the sentence ""Jack and Jill is playing in the field?"" Women should be first."

"How many tickles does an octopus like? Ten-tickles"

"You know what always brings me down? Gravity."

"What's worse than locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside to ask for a clothes hanger"

"Accidentally dropped a magic mushroom in my cats litter box & now he's laying across the driveway staring at the stars & quoting Kierkegaard"

"What's the difference between humor and odor? Humor is a shift of wit..."

"My girlfriend told me I was fucking stupid I told her she was just clever in her own way."

"Why do meth heads like to do it doggy style? So they can both peek out the blinds."