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Joke of the Day

"What's worse than locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside to ask for a clothes hanger"

"What do you get when you give a head of lettuce to an epileptic? A seizure salad."

"HI MOM. YOU'RE GONNA BE SO PROUD. I JUST WON AN ARGUMENT ON THE INTERNET. Sorry caps lock was still on from the argument. But I won."

"I just saw a poster that said, ""Have you seen this man?"" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, ""no."""

"Buying a car from Hertz is like marrying a Prostitute It may look good on the outside, but you have no idea whose been in it or what they've done to it."

"ME: I hate owls [Owl turns his head 180] OWL: What? ME: Oh I didn't see you there OWL: Are you talking behind my back? ME: I'm...I'm not sure"

"I wish boxing was like wrestling so when the ref was distracted Manny Pacquiao would run in & hit Floyd Mayweather with a Stone Cold Stunner"

"I just mixed peanut butter and Nutella together in case anyone's curious why I've suddenly started attending church."

"What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved"

"""Oh, a bubble bath! That sounds nice and refresHOLY SHIT Ahhhhhhh!"" - Lobsters"