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Joke of the Day

"What's wrong with the sentence ""Jack and Jill is playing in the field?"" Women should be first."

"If the Scottish started to colonize North America before the British... Could I say that the Scott Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock?"

"I grew up in Bolivia but I left because the currency is bullshit."

"[Poison Ivy's home] Voice from outside: YOU CONTROL PLANTS? WHAT KIND OF POWER IS THAT? Ivy: [thru window] Go home, Aquaman. You're drunk."

"FIRST MONSTER: I'm going to a party tonight. SECOND MONSTER: Oh are you? FIRST MONSTER: Yes I must go to the graveyard and dig out a few old friends."

"I think I burn most my calories at the gym untangling headphones."

"A drug addict died in his sleep... I guess he overdozed."

"How do you torture Hellen Keller? Give her a basketball and tell her to read it."

"And then I realized, it's not that I love documentaries. I just love establishing shots of courthouses."

"Kids make friends in 5 seconds, adults make friends in 5 drinks."