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Joke of the Day

"I cant believe Whoopi Goldberg hasn't legally changed her last name to ""Cushion."" I mean, why even be a celebrity??"

"[Racist] How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb None.They just beat the room for being black."

"""Nope. Nope. Yeah right. Nope. Close! Nah. Nope. Almost! Hahaha, you're terrible at this."" - piece of popcorn stuck between teeth."

"Not sure if I should be more concerned about the son who locked me out of my bedroom today, or the one who showed me how to pick the lock."

"I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary... I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it."

"I made a bunch of custom t-shirts for my footballer friends, and they suddenly turned into philosophers. Must've been the soccer tees."

"[Girlfriend looks at me in disgust] ""Did u just propose using emojis?"" ... ""Technically its called a propoji, but yes"" [She's already gone]"

"What did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding? Thanks for the mammaries!"

"[invents time machine and goes back to the dinosaurs] ""in a few years its gonna be really cold"" *hands them mixtape* ""you're gone need this"""

"Q: What's the best sport to learn when you are moving? A: Boxing"