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Joke of the Day

"[Girlfriend looks at me in disgust] ""Did u just propose using emojis?"" ... ""Technically its called a propoji, but yes"" [She's already gone]"

"I was bitten by a crow, since then I've had the proportionate strength, speed, and agility of a guy who is bleeding from the head a bit"

"What do you have to know to be an auctioneer? Lots"

"The movie was better than the book because I'm illiterate."

"Most pencils have erasers But that's beside the point"

"Study indicates Percussion as cause of Hard Drive failure. Whacked Drives Shatter..."

"Why shouldn't ISIS be destroying ancient Mesopotamian buildings? Because it's frowned upon in Islam to smoke ziggurats."

"If you love something, let it go. From the creators of ""If you're tired, go for a run,"" and ""If you're on fire, eat bees"""

"Please do not wear flip flops if your feet look like you could sweep down & snatch your dinner while it's still running through the forrest"

"What kind of game are Americans worst at? Tower defense."