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Joke of the Day

"To gangs that carve their names into public toilet seats: A) Why? B) Haha, you touched a public toilet seat."

"You don't need a parachute to go sky diving You need a parachute to go sky diving twice"

"An enormous monster with eight arms and eleven legs walked into a tailors shop. 'Quick!' shouted the tailor to his assistant. 'Hide the ""Free Alterations"" sign!'"

"We have three types of friends in life: Friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime."

"I went to the gym today. Just kidding, I walked down the block and yelled at the neighbor kids for screaming while I'm trying to nap."

"What has nine arms and sucks? Def Leppard"

"The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby."

"While I appreciate that you're bringing sexy back, if we're not also discussing who took sexy away, we're only enabling future sexy problems"

"What do you call a guy with no arms or legs that can breathe underwater? Gil."

"Not paying more than $2,000 a kilo. And can we stop communicating through Twitter? I feel like these DM's are going to go public someday."