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Joke of the Day

"When I call out the wrong name during sex, I just segue into singing Mambo No. 5."

"Why does everyone hate peppers? They always get jalapeno business!"

"Donald Trump is probably the closest we'll ever get to electing Eric Cartman president."

"What did the dyslexic bank robber say? ""FREEZE MOTHERSTICKER! THIS IS A FUCK UP!"""

"GARY: ""You wanna?"" BARRY: ""Ugh. Jesus OK."" (Siamese twins deciding to masturbate)"

"The worst part about spring... Getting sued by the Fine Brothers for having an allergic reaction."

"Why did the Russians use peanuts for torture in the Cold War? Because in Soviet Russia, Nut Cracks You!"

"Don't anthropomorphize your pets... They hate it when you do that."

"Five reasons not to use an electric toilet Number two will shock you"

"I have a few jokes about unemployed people... But none of them work."