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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Russians use peanuts for torture in the Cold War? Because in Soviet Russia, Nut Cracks You!"

"A sandwich walks into a bar... the bartender says: ""Sorry, we don't serve food here."""

"A button on my car broke... Its a pressing matter."

"If you broke up with your gf who works at a salad bar you can use the line ""lettuce romaine friends"" at a low cost of my student loans."

"I've been ""watching my weight"" and, rest assured, it's still there."

"I updated my drivers on my laptop and now I have all kinds of pop ups...thanks Microsoft!"

"They say your memory is the first thing to go But I can't remember losing that"

"I have nothing in common with people who eat 1 Pringle at a time instead of frantically shoving 20 in their mouth like it's a wood chipper ."

"Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Well we're having it tonight. It's [wats](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wat_%28food%29) for dinner!"

"Aoccdrnig to Ylae rseaerch, it deosn't mtater waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are in, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is how mcuh mnoey you hvae"