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Joke of the Day

"I found a great way to stop procrastinating! I'll tell you guys later."

"I used to be into necrophilia, S&M, and Bestiality... Then i realized i was beating a dead horse. *i'll let myself out*"

"""You are terrible at metaphors."" ""Wow. Jealousy is a bad moustache on you."""

"What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys? Coach. What do you call one white guy surrounded by 100 black guys? Warden."

"I used to be a huge fan of Jesus Christ... but then he got double crossed."

"How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? You suck its dick."

"Why did the farmer run through his fields with a steamroller? Because he wanted mashed potatoes!!!!"

"I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse."

"A performative poet from Hibernia Rhymed himself into a hernia He became quite adept At this practice, except For the occasional non-sequitur"

"My local electronics retailer is having a fire sale. The Samsung Galaxy Note 7 is the hottest item."