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Joke of the Day

"*approaches man sitting at the bar Me: would you like to dance Him: yeah! Me: that's great because I need to sit down"

"""The problem with quotes on the Internet is that they're not always accurate."" - Albert Einstein"

"Why do no communists drink Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft."

"An old man on went Facebook You'll never believe what happens next."

"How do you get an Asian to crash their car? Make the windshield full screen"

"I'm beginning to think that Judas Priest might not be a Christian rock band."

"[The Justice League on patrol] Superman: Wait! I smell something fishy... Batman:*chuckles* Aquaman: Know what? Screw you guys. I'm going home"

"What did Mr. Marijuana say to Mrs. Marijuana when she asked if her dress makes her look fat? ""I'll be blunt..."""

"The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work."

"If you capitalize 'him' in your tweets I'm gonna automatically assume you're subtweeting god."