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Joke of the Day

"I like to combine danger with awkwardness by falling up stairs."

"What's the difference between a happy programmer and a sad programmer? ""Hello, world"" and ""Goodbye, cruel world"""

"Fell asleep next to a beautiful woman I met last night. I tell you what, she was PISSED to wake up next to a stranger... And that goes double for her husband."

"What do you call an experienced Nazi doctor who treats animals? A veteran Aryan"

"They should make a competition on who can wipe on the toilet the fastest. But I wouldn't enter, because I couldn't give a shit"

"Shouting, ""You're all pathetic idiots!"" to freedom of speech protesters... Soon changes their tone."

"The streaker was thinking about retiring... but he decided to stick it out another year."

"No one on Twitter ever quotes me properly. I'm so mis-tweeted."

"Sammy just bought a new pair of pants. He's explaining to Dean that these pants were specially fitted for dancing. ""Ballroom?"" Dean asks. ""Not much,"" Sammy replies."

"How did the pharmacist know his drink was spiked? He fainted after the punch line."