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Joke of the Day

"After a klose game with messi challenges and neuer goal scoring opportunities, ze Germans kept their cool and gotze World Cup that they deserved!"

"Two in one people are Siamese."

"[rolls a boiled egg down the bar to a hot girl] me - ""that was an accident can I have my egg back please"""

"Why is saying "" I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing... ...unless your at a funeral."

"Sometimes I like to lie on the kitchen floor and pretend I'm a crumb."

"my mom's cat has been in our family since 2002 and i never saw it get a boner til tonight. animals are awful and perverted"

"Just went for a piss while still wearing my microphone and the whole conference heard me call the urinal a ""thirsty boy"""

"""You see those footprints? It looks like our killer had feet."" - If you want to know why I was fired as a writer on CSI."

"I came up with a plan to help people with debt, it's called ""Don't buy shit you can't afford!"""

"My father in law is one of those ""deep sigh until someone asks what's wrong"" kind of women."