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Joke of the Day

"Wife:How'd you sleep? Me: Fine except I got in a gun fight and died and went to the store because I ran out of shampoo W: Ambien:*giggles"

"How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water."

"I really hate seeing old people fall over, it makes me feel so bad. Maybe I should stop tripping them over."

"A first date is probably the best time to show off your wicked hand puppet skills."

"How do mute people tell each others secrets? They put on mittens."

"What fundamental force compels physicists to go to work on Mondays? The week force."

"I read a book about a transsexual woman with a speech impediment.. It was titled 'Man or Myth'"

"What do you call someone who was born in a camper? A son of a hitch!"

"Made up a classy joke, give me your feedback... I broke up with my clone the other day. Being sincere, I told him ""its not you, its me""."

"How do you blindfold a chinese person? Put floss over their eyes"