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Joke of the Day

"Three types of people... There are three types of people in this world. Those who are odd, and those who literally can't even."

"Hi, I'd like a salamus sandwich, please. ""You mean salami?"" No, just a single salamus. ""Um ok, anything else on that?"" Yes, one pepperonus."

"An Owl and a Squirrel are sitting in a tree watching a farmer mow the lawn.... ...The Owl says nothing because Owls can't talk, the Owl then eats the Squirrel because it's a bird of prey."

"Johnny Depp dresses like a human dreamcatcher."

"Imagine if people referenced the Beach Boys more often! Wouldn't it be nice?"

"How come Noah didn't just slap those two mosquitoes?"

"Why does Santa have a huge sack? Because he only comes once a year."

"[angrily holding cookie under milk for way too long] Yo whatcha doin bro? [looks him dead in the eye] practicing for you"

"Drugs can help you land a girl. You just have to make sure to pour them in the right drink"

"""Dad, did you know in some countries men don't know their wives till after they get married?"" ""Um, it's like that in every country, son."""