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Joke of the Day

"How do you make a nun pregnant? NSFW Dress her up as an altar boy."

"Touch it gently, put two fingers inside... if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down, push in and out... faster and faster! Yep that's how you wash a cup."

"What famous band sleeps the least? Slipknot"

"Diet diary, day 3 I am so proud of myself, I refused to eat the birthday cake. But the cup cakes were amazing."

"I just became a proud dad today... My son is actually four but he was a boring little cunt for the first three years."

"I noticed that my waitress had a black eye... So I ordered veeerrryyy slooowwwly, because she obviously doesn't listen."

"Why shouldn't you argue with a 90 degree angle? It's always right."

"So I encountered my friend with a penguin next to him.. So I said to my friend: ""You should take that penguin to the zoo"" So he responds: ""I already did that, but he didn't like it"""

"8- Dad, why is there oxygen on earth, but not on any other planet? M- Are you sure you just don't want to know where baby's come from?"

"I would rather... die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."