45050

Joke of the Day

"Diet diary, day 3 I am so proud of myself, I refused to eat the birthday cake. But the cup cakes were amazing."

"My grandmother said she would give birth to my mother when the time machine was invented. Apparently she lied."

"If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time... ...are they guilty of resisting a rest?"

"I'm the skeptical guy in the infomercial audience. I didn't believe a $20 food chopper could be such a good value. guess what. I was wrong."

"Three Nuns Walked Into A Bar The fourth one ducked."

"I recently broke up with my mobster boyfriend... Turns out he was sleeping with the fishes."

"I'm a scientist that's researching beastiality between humans and dogs I'll be in my lab."

"Some people think stalking is wrong... I call those people cops"

"What do you say if you meet a toad? Wart's new?"

"I don't get why kids hate me... ... I mean the sex isn't that bad."