25939

Joke of the Day

"No, I am not insulting you. I am just describing you."

"I don't know what base that was, but thank you TSA."

"I'm not a professional photographer, I'm just a club photographer. I take pictures at the club & people pay me to delete them."

"I'm doing a book signing at Barnes & Noble today. Nobody asked me to. It's not even my book."

"Id like to thank the Walmart cashier for making me feel like big money. I guess you don't see many $20 bills, glad you made sure its legit."

"And what's your name?"" the secretary asked the next new boy. ""Butter."" ""I hope your first name's not Roland"" smirked the secretary. ""No ma'am. It's Brendan."""

"So three Rabbi's walk into a bar... ...and the bartender says ""get the fuck out"""

"A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, ""Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!"" The toad yells back, ""Naw man, you're in de-nile"""

"It's like these birds don't even know that it's the crack of fuck on a mother fucking Saturday morning."

"My birthday is coming up, wife agreed to bday sex. Thankfully she'll be out of town on a business trip so I'll have the house all to myself."