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Joke of the Day

"Id like to thank the Walmart cashier for making me feel like big money. I guess you don't see many $20 bills, glad you made sure its legit."

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"Turns out chiropractors aren't actually dinosaurs."
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"You look so perfect standing there, In my American Apparel underwear, But I know now you probably opened the wrong Christmas present grandma"
"People that say ""we're not even white, we're pink"" obviously haven't seen the parts of me that have never been in sunlight."
"Human drinks a Vampire's blood. Out of curiosity, the Vampire asks what it tastes like. ""It's irony."""
"Bill Clinton is so getting laid tonight. Hillary is in Indonesia."
"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? They can't. The only thing they can screw is your mind."
"Three tomatoes are walking down the street... A papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby tomato starts falling behind so the papa tomato squishes him and says, Ketchup!"
"Santa is a dependent clause because"
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