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Joke of the Day

"A reasonably attractive girl applied for a modelling job in a glamour magazine She was a candid eight."

"If Edward Snowden worked at a grocery market.. *Loudspeaker* Paging Mr. Edward Snowden, Mr. Ed Snowden Constitutional breech on isle 1 & 4 Will Mr. Snowden please inform the public accordingly"

"I'm good at turning on. .. Electronics"

"Weird Al and Vin Diesel should team up with a chip tune band Then they could be Al, Vin & The Chip Monks"

"Getting sick of seeing dogs that are not falling in love or at least sharing spaghetti."

"[First date] Me: What do you prefer, flat or sparkling? Him: Water? Me: No, my personality."

"*Skrillex, young and penniless, is working at a grocery store and shelving boxes of produce* *drops beets* Oh. Oh my god."

"Me: Saw your bf today ""Where?"" M: What's the name of that gym next door to the gay bar? ""Golds?"" M: Yeah, in the gay bar next to Golds"

"Coworker: How are you doing this morning? Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you?"

"HR: know why you're here? Me: I put my tongue in the candy cutter Union: well..unsafe..but fired? HR: the candy cutter's name is Trish"