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Joke of the Day

"Coworker: How are you doing this morning? Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you?"

"My first time having sex was a lot like my first time in church.. Actually, come to think of it, it was my first time in church."

"Unfair fight. Housewife Holly Holm defeats Rousey with ironing skills... Because she layed her out and starched her ass."

"How can you tell you are in a math teacher's garden? All the trees have square roots."

"If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are ... you have small boobs."

"If a person dies after suffering an average number of strokes for their age did they make par?"

"Why sacrifice virgins? Because they've done nothing to deserve it."

"Have you ever heard of Ethiopian food? Neither have they."

"Where do you find an old Onion article? In thier archives."

"I like that Linkin Park song where the guy suddenly screams."