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Joke of the Day

"HR: know why you're here? Me: I put my tongue in the candy cutter Union: well..unsafe..but fired? HR: the candy cutter's name is Trish"

"Wife walked in on me... Fucking our daughter. I don't know what she was more shocked about me fucking my daughter or the hospital allowing me to being home a still born"

"I'm going to open a restaraunt called pantera bread It will be similar to panera bread, but the food we serve will be much heavier"

"Do you know how to tell when Trump is lying? His lips are moving."

"I love when I have dramatic realizations over my morning cereal... ... I call 'em ""breakfast epiphanies"""

"What do you call it when a gay man is taking a poop? Filling a bowl of fruity pebbles."

"You know, I frankly don't find Isaac Newton's work all that original. I mean, half of his works were all derivatives anyway."

"A-What's up? B(londe)-The ceiling..."

"Why is slave trade illegal Because it's a black market."

"Why did Donald Trump cross the road? To avoid debating."