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Joke of the Day

"HR: know why you're here? Me: I put my tongue in the candy cutter Union: well..unsafe..but fired? HR: the candy cutter's name is Trish"

"You're 35 weeks pregnant and gonna make me do math?"

"What's the difference between Christmas and the Great Marianas Turkey Shoot? At Christmas, there's a nip in the air."

"""When I'm done shitting on your car I'm going to watch your wife undress through her window""-Birds"

"I told my Kentucky raised girlfriend her family tree doesn't fork... ...it spoons. She did not find it humorous"

"You know what's a load of crap? Anal sex"

"I have a nightlight flashlight...I can only see in the dark for 2 seconds in 10 second intervals"

"Houses If the Red House is red and the Blue House is Blue, what color is the Green House? ... Brown. I accidentally broke the sprinkler system."

"Who can suck off every man on earth? A black hoe."

"I got a job at the zoo circumcising elephants the pay isn't great but the tips are enormous."