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Joke of the Day

"BEAR JUDGE: Counsel, this is your last warning, you cannot-- LAWYER: *plays dead* BEAR JUDGE: Where did he go"

"My mom says that you are what you eat. That's strange, because I haven't eaten any sexy beast recently..."

"It's been a week since my wife went missing. The police told me to expect the worst. So I took her things back out of the garbage bin."

"If you're meeting someone, get to the place early so you'll have a few minutes to kick back and repeatedly text, ""Where are you"""

"Taking my 4 year old to see Straight Outta Compton. I can't remember ever being this excited for a movie that's rated G."

"Why can you RAN in a campsite, but never RUN in a campsite? Because it's always past-tents."

"What do the English and Hitler have in common? They both hate the Polish."

"How do mathematicians deal with constipation? They work it out with a pencil."

"Dads... Are just a bunch of mother fuckers"

"What do you call one-tenth of a bell? A Decibell."