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Joke of the Day

"I lost both my hands in a car crash... But there is a silver lining somewhere. I just can't put my finger on it."

"Bernie will win the 2020 Democratic Nomination... ...because his supporters will be old enough to vote."

"What's the difference between a Pound and a Dollar? A dollar"

"What's Mario's favourite clothing? Denim denim denim"

"Tonight I'm going to be naughty and tie my man to the bed. Then I'll make him watch a Golden Girls marathon while I eat the left over pizza."

"Me + + Loud Music = Wildly dancing like no one ever imagined."

"Did you hear One Direction is breaking up? They're heading separate ways."

"I like to pretend I'm on ""American Idol"" by holding a piece of paper with a number on it and running out of a room like an idiot."

"What's the difference between a fish and a guitar? You can't tuna fish!!!"

"Relationship status: the doorbell rings, my heart is pounding, it's the pizza delivery guy. Three-cheese, double toppings, thick crust."