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Joke of the Day

"If you're meeting someone, get to the place early so you'll have a few minutes to kick back and repeatedly text, ""Where are you"""

"What do you call an egoistical sea animal? Selfish"

"Kids are like smoking cigarettes. I love them for about 5 minutes a day, until I realize that they are slowly killing me. Jim Jefferies"

"I'm really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y."

"how many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Two: One to eat my ass. One to suck my dick. I screw in the light bulb..."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bullet ! Bullet who ? Bullet all the hay and now he's hungry !"

"My favorite part of a date is the sweet, seedy flesh. Wait, sorry, that's my favorite part of a fig, I always get figs and dates mixed up."

"I am the worst writer in the world until I finish writing, at which point I immediately become a goddamn genius. This is relatable content."

"[During surgery] DR DOG: Suction please. NURSE: But there's no bleeding. DR DOG: I know *drooling* but just look at that liver!"

"My girlfriend is a special snowflake She's cold and flaky."