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Joke of the Day

"It's been a week since my wife went missing. The police told me to expect the worst. So I took her things back out of the garbage bin."

"Called my wife a whore I called my wife a whore once during sex. She made me pay for that afterwards."

"[Siri Beta] What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an alien? A mars-upial"

"why can't you fool aborted fetuses? because they weren't born yesterday."

"That moment when you finally get your lighter lit and expel a sigh of relief."

"Being popular on Twitter is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital."

"A joke I made up yesterday . . . Relationships are like socks. They're cool with me, as long as they are the same color."

"Old MacDonald was dyslexic H-R-T-Q-P"

"Batman took some flak going to the Police Ball dressed as the Joker But sometimes he's his own worst enemy."

"I went to the canary islands ... and believe it or not, I didn't see any canaries. I also went to the virgin islands, and believe it or not, I didn't see any canaries there either."