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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the geometry teacher who tried to take a selfie? It was a protracted process but eventually he found the right angle."

"What kind of stretches does a pencil do? Ticondeyoga"

"""we're broke? how is that possible?"" (extremely high pitched voice) no idea ""did you-"" *opens closet & hundreds of helium tanks fall out*"

"I'm in the middle of inventing emo playing cards. You have to shuffle them, but afterwards the deck cuts itself."

"Dear Cool People, they didn't name a candy after you, did they? Love, Nerds."

"At the grocery store, my daughter held up two types of fabric softener... ...and she asked, ""Would you rather have dryer sheets, or dryer balls?"""

"How do trees use the Internet? They log on"

"As long as you're good at blending in, you can be part of Brad and Angelina's family too."

"Ways to tell a woman's mad at you: 1. She's silent. 2. She's yelling. 3. She acts the same. 4. She acts different. 5. She murdered you."

"Once you've seen one shopping center... you've seen the mall"