24387

Joke of the Day

"Shitty one-liner: Giiirl, you can call me Saturday-Sunday, cuz I'm all you're gonna be doin' this weekend. Is this a thing? It feels like it has to have been a thing and I just forgot where."

"Told my husband the best way to get help at Home Depot is to wear yoga pants, but I dunno. It doesn't seem to work as well for him."

"Have you heard about the new Italian radial tires? When they go flat they go ""wop wop wop!"""

"If you're reading this.. then you are not Floyd Mayweather."

"If your job ever feels pointless... just remember somebody is the fact checker for Buzz Feed."

"Why do dentists recommend jpeg? It is a flossy compression method."

"I just had the thought ""pfft. Your father can't die before you are born,"" and I believed it for a full minute. Because I'm smert."

"If you think you're frustrated, Try teaching an Italian sign language."

"As an American of Chinese decent, I offered my services to help Trump to build his wall. He replied that he didn't think it would be a good idea for me to build the barrier in my own internment camp."

"A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender for an entendre ,She says ""double or single"" he says ""Double"" she says ""OK yours is a big one """