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Joke of the Day

"Shitty one-liner: Giiirl, you can call me Saturday-Sunday, cuz I'm all you're gonna be doin' this weekend. Is this a thing? It feels like it has to have been a thing and I just forgot where."

"Question: What do you call a gay dinosaur? Answer: Mega-sore-ass."

"Yes autocorrect, I was trying to find some 'amazon' weed"

"How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won't claim that god it."

"Business Idea: 1. Join dating site. 2. Arrange dates with 30 people at your house, all at the same time. 3. TIMESHARE PRESENTATION."

"Roses are brown, Violets are brown.. Who the fuck took a shit in my garden?"

"I'm so tired I could eat a horse."

"It is very wrong to ask a woman how much she weighs. (xpost from r/showerthoughts) Weight depends on the gravitational force of the planet you are on. You should ask her how massive she is."

"The test results came back, and Frodo's wife can't have a baby. She's non-hobbit forming."

"A Wife calls her son to see where him and his dad are He answers with moans in the backround, ""In my room?"" He says, the mom storms up there expecting porn, or sex. She got one of them right..."