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Joke of the Day

"Women are like draino They will clean you out, but leave you feeling hollow inside"

"What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph, because he's not a full ese."

"What is a rock's favorite band? The Rolling Stones."

"What do the Catholic Church and a bucket of shit have in common? Neither supports gay marriage."

"What would you say to Hitler if he was sick? Hey, ill Hitler!"

"The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like."

"I have good and bad news WIFE: Bad news first We need a new front door WIFE: And the good news? [points to Monster Truck in living room]"

"The person sleeping next to you is statistically more likely to murder you than any other person on the entire planet. Do the dishes."

"I spend half of my time thinking about fractions Well, not exactly half...."

"Officer, I know I was speeding, but you have to let me go. I'm running late to a concert and I'm the guy who brings the giant beach ball."