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Joke of the Day

"The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like."

"I've been ignoring these dirty dishes for 47 minutes and they still haven't taken the hint. It's just awkward now..."

"I bet Jesus would have instagrammed a lot of pics of wine."

"Why'd the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff? Tequila"

"What is Chris Brown's favorite drink? Punch!"

"lifeguard: can you describe the thing that touched you? me: yea...it was like a wet wind chime made out of wieners lifeguard: a squid?"

"How to sound authentically Irish when bewildered, befuddled, confounded, or just generally in a tizzy. Say this phrase: Whale oil beef hooked."

"Tried to ""Catch 'em all,"" but who wouldn't get sick of that imperious little prick Pikachu always referring to himself in the third person?"

"When I'm on a golf course and it starts to rain and lightning, I hold up my one-iron Because even God can't hit a one-iron"

"Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air ? Because eggs were going up !"