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Joke of the Day

"The person sleeping next to you is statistically more likely to murder you than any other person on the entire planet. Do the dishes."

"How did Isis move from 5th wanted terrorist group to the most wanted terrorist group? They cut a head"

"Most famous gay couple of all. Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick."

"""I can't feel my legs"" --mermaids"

"I always draw track marks on my arms and cough a lot when visiting family so that no one asks me to hold their baby or help prepare food."

"Have you watched the movie about polynomials? I heard the *f(x)* were great!"

"I just took a Baking Class The final was a piece of cake."

"Did you see the porn circus? It was fucking intense."

"What's Whitney Houston's favorite coordination? Hand eyyyyyyyyyyeeeeee......"

"A special joke for Mothers Day What's the difference between three dicks and a joke? Your mum cant take a joke."