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Joke of the Day

"I'm so lazy, If autocorrect doesn't know the word after 3 letters I don't even bother sending the text."

"What was the vacant lot's favorite Spoon song? Don't Make Me A Target"

"I like my women how I like my whiskey. 13 years old and mixed up with coke."

"The Flame of my Lighter smells of burned Nosehair!"

"I hate Ancient Greek History! Fuck the poleis!"

"*Jesus, bursting out of a chest cavity, spraying the room with blood and viscera* ""My God, Johnny? DID YOU LET CHRIST INTO YOUR HEART?!?"""

"Did you hear they're going to print the Daily Mail on A1 sheets? It's pretty big news."

"My prompt email replies are 10% due to me being a diligent employee, and 90% due to the crippling OCD that compels me to clear my inbox."

"How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher? When the old one expects you to ""do your share"""

"The government should pay for everyone to get massages on November 9th."