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Joke of the Day
"You hear about the guy who bought a teabag? Yeah, the price was pretty steep"
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"Handjobs and blowjobs Handjobs from girls that speak sign language count as blowjobs."
"[steps off crosstrainer] ""Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--"" ""Shall I call an ambulance?"" ""Please."""
"When your toddlers are teenagers don't forget to wake them at 5am because your sock came off"
"I hate when I wake up in the morning hungover with penises drawn on my face, Especially since I was drinking alone last night"
"What do you call the celebration that comes the day after Ramadan? Rama-done"
"Q: What did one math book say to the other? A: Man I got a lot of problems!"
"A penguin walks into a bar and asks ""has my brother been in here?"" The bartender says ""I don't know, what does he look like?"""
"How would America win gold medals in shooting for the Olympics? They take their prison population and school population to Rio."
"I asked my waiter how long my pizza would be... his reply was, not very long."