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Joke of the Day

"How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher? When the old one expects you to ""do your share"""

"My friend got me a sweater for Christmas... I would have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but she did the trick."

"Today, I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a wall. As he turned and sneered at me, I thought: 'that's a little condescending'."

"Why can't Bill Gates get a girlfriend? Because his penis is Microsoft."

"If four out of five people suffer from radiation poisoning... Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?"

"What's the hottest part of a room? The corner, it's 90 degrees."

"Give a man a bed, he'll sleep for a day Put a landmine in the bed, and he'll sleep for the rest of his life"

"I'm a feminist So is my wife, but because I'm a man, I'm better at it."

"Michelle Obama puts her secret lovers number in her phone under Ben Ghazi knowing that by doing so Barack will never search for the truth"

"My boss just informed me its unprofessional to tell customers congratulations when they call in to change last name due to divorce."