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Joke of the Day
"A flying pig defecated on me today. I shit you not."
Next Joke
"You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it's acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch."
"The first thing out of my mouth when I was very abruptly and rudely woken up by my neighbor blaring ""Trapped in the Closet""... ""Ugh, that's the second worse way to be woken up by R-Kelly!"""
"How many fugitives does it take to fix a light bulb? 1/3"
"[doc pulls baby out of mom and immediately slides it under his shirt] oh no NOW I'M PREGNANT haha no [pulls it out] just kidding here you go"
"I bought a dvd of tiger woods best 18 holes... I was pretty upset it was all golfing."
"Girls think I'm ugly, until they find out how much money I make... ...then they think I'm ugly and poor."
"Started playing with the self-retracting cord on my vacuum to find out how much weight it can pull; long story short, I'm Batman now."
"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bat ! Bat who ? Bat you'll never guess!"
"Welcome to the school of hard knocks... You'd better hope your front door can take it!"