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Joke of the Day
"Why was the cupcake so scared of the bong? Because the bong threatened to get him baked."
Next Joke
"I was wondering why the frisbee in the distance was getting bigger Then it hit me"
"When cooking, I sometimes talk to my knife. I talk to it about my current life situations. The knife tells me I'm crazy. It tends to be pretty sharp about these things, so I guess it has a point."
"Never laugh at your girlfriends choices... your one of them."
"CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps ""Latest Speculative News"" or ""We Really Don't Know Shit"" would work. CNN call me."
"Who came after Augustus? Septembrus"
"Why are politicians assholes so clean? Because all their shit comes out of their mouth!"
"If you have a shitty job, you probably shouldn't lick your fingers at lunch time."
"""I'm on my way."" -People who haven't even left the house yet."
"I'm boycotting terrorism From now on I'm drinking all of my whiskey neat, no more ISIS"