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Joke of the Day

"If Patrick Bateman from American Psycho had a butler, what would the butler call him? ""Master Bateman."""

"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. Then I saw her arguing with him about money. Now I see Santa drinking by himself."

"Having bad dreams is the best way to prove you can't even do being unconscious right."

"Just once I'd like to see an NFL coach show a little sportsmanship and wear a sweatshirt or hat with the other team's logo."

"One time, Helen Keller fell down a well She screamed her hands off"

"""Wanna go camping?"" ""No thanks, I have a house."""

"Instagram's down? What am I supposed to with my food, eat it?"

"YOU: I murdered someone. YOUR DOG: I'm totally cool with that. I love you. ****************** YOU: I murdered someone. YOUR CAT: Me too."

"Getting rejected by women? Try my new question: ""If I were to ask you out, would you say no?"" Sometimes it just feels good to get a ""Yes""."

"""You are gonna hate yourself in the morning if you stay up late"" Jokes on you I am gonna hate myself in the morning no matter what."