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Joke of the Day

"Worrying does you no good. Or does it? What if it does? Can anyone confirm this? Maybe email me in case I have bad reception?!"

"Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies"

"""We've isolated the gene for the long, drawn-out sigh!"" -Sighentists"

"[phone w/ fiance] Hey, I can still pick whatever suit I like for the wedding right? ""As long as its black, why?"" *wearing batsuit* No reason"

"A couple orders a pie at a luxury restaurant The husband eats 4/7 of the pie and the wife the rest. He paid 4.5$ more than her. How much did the pie cost? Answer in comments"

"I bought 37 self-help books today... I just couldn't help myself."

"TIFU by asking my wife what is the difference between a penis and a paycheck? She said ""there is a possibility of increase in size of your paycheck."""

"Caller: Is Mr. Rock available? Me: Yeah, hold on. *hands phone to 5yo* Me: It's grandma, buddy. Tell her about Caillou."

"got bored and went to Home Depot wearing an orange apron to see how good i am at making up answers to peoples home repair questions"

"Is bb-8 hungry? No, BB-8."