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Joke of the Day

"I bought 37 self-help books today... I just couldn't help myself."

"Man goes to a restaurant Sits down at a table by himself and places a calender in front of him. The waiter ask why the calendar? Man replies ""I didn't want to be alone so I brought some dates"""

"Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else."

"[on date pretending not to be a dung beetle] Date: What's your favourite meal? Me: Poop Date: What? Me: SOUP, I like eating soup"

"Why do asian parents give their children short names? More time on tests."

"I was going to have a wank at the Vatican while I was there on vacation. But I thought about it and it has probably been done before and I would hate to be seen as the second coming."

"An Australian man walked in on his girlfriend getting changed and she said ""Have you heard of knocking?"" He said ""It doesn't ring a bell"""

"How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan was getting for christmas? He felt his presents."

"I once went to an all you can eat bakery in France. It was a painful experience."

"I choked on viagra this morning. I had a stiff neck for hours."