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Joke of the Day

"Caller: Is Mr. Rock available? Me: Yeah, hold on. *hands phone to 5yo* Me: It's grandma, buddy. Tell her about Caillou."

"I started a cold air balloon business. I'm having trouble getting it off the ground."

"Hey brotherrrr (by Avicii) There's an endless road to be disMOTHERed! Lmao"

"It's inspiring today to see so many voters researching and learning about an important issue they voted on yesterday"

"Women are like electrons Always trying to latch onto some Adam for a free ride"

"I recently became a father Is a weird way to say I just got a girlfriend and she started calling me ""Daddy."""

"Me: Yeah like that, baby. Him: *caresses my back, plays with my hair* Me: *moans* Him: *growls* I'm gonna do so many-- Me: *snores, drools*"

"I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers."

"Jared Fogle is pleased sentence is under 18 years."

"I bought a pair of shoes off my drug dealer... And they must have been laced with something, cause I've been tripping all day."