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Joke of the Day

"Hubs: You didn't do anything today did you? Me: I did the dishes. Hubs: There was only one. Me: Fine I did THE dish. Happy?"

"Which country has the loosest regulations on incest? Oh shit, this isn't Google."

"What kind of bee makes milk? A boobee!"

"Guys can we please begin calling Krav Maga ""Jew Jitsu?"" I'm pretty serious about this but I don't know where to post it."

"I stayed at my girlfriends house the other day but her dad wouldn't let us sleep together Which was a shame because he's really fit"

"I have a clear conscience until a police car pulls behind me. Then I'm like ""OH GOD WHAT IF I MURDERED SOMEONE DID I MURDER SOMEONE"""

"Sorry I missed your call, I was busy seeing how many times my phone would ring before you gave up."

"I found $100 in my pocket this morning and almost quit my job"

"Ancient cryptic thrice-translated self-contradictory texts are the best way to convey moral precepts."

"I like my women like I like my wine... 12 years old and locked in a cellar"