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Joke of the Day

"Ancient cryptic thrice-translated self-contradictory texts are the best way to convey moral precepts."

"Chris Rea came to my garden centre today... ...he bought a driving gnome for Christmas."

"My mom said her day at work today made her feel like punching babies I told her to punch herself in the stomach"

"Why can't some people help being born Chinese? Because there's nothing wong with it."

"What's the same with 9/11 and Goliath and the giant? They were both caused by a message from god."

"BBC News: Two pedestrians die in collision. Fuck, how fast must they have been walking?"

"I'm going to carry on drinking, smoking, and having unprotected sex. Recent figures show that you are more likely to die in a plane crash."

"Everyone type it with me: A lot is two words. A lot is two words. A lot is two words. A lot is two words. Good. Tomorrow: Irregardless."

"The car you buy should say something about you, and not just ramble on about itself like you're not even there."

"I am having an out of money experience."