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Joke of the Day

"Me: I just souped up my car Person: What kind of engine did you put in it? *cut to me filling my car with tomato soup* Me: Um... A fast one."

"A dog is similar to a banana... ... if you bite it, the mushroom overheats the toaster"

"How do lesbian carpenters work? No studs. All tongue in groove."

"A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken... The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, ""Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."""

"What the difference between an IS training camp and a primary school? There aren't many paedos in the camp."

"Why so many conservative white Americans voted Obama? Old whites on their deathbeds saw ""the light"" people so often experience when they approach death, and accidentally voted for it."

"""Don't kid yourself"" Would be a great slogan for an abortion clinic."

"Why do people say,""You can't make this stuff up."" Nope. Not true at all. You can literally make up anything you want anytime."

"What did the leper say to the hooker? Keep the tip"

"I ordered the chick on page 3 in the Victoria's Secret catalog... But all they sent me was her underwear."