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Joke of the Day

"Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas refrigerators."

"As a child, it really stressed me out that Rocky was late to his second fight with Apollo Creed. I mean, don't be late to that."

"Come a little closer so I can push you away. Women"

"Come on iPhone! It's someone, not semen. Now my mom thinks I'll find semen to help me. Related: I'm looking for semen to help me."

"Why don't blind people like to go skydiving? Because it scares the shit out of the dog."

"What do Jews call a lone rabbit? A rabbi."

"He died doing what he loved, waving a metal rod on a rooftop in a storm, yelling FU, GOD! Although he slipped & fell, Ted's memory lives on."

"What is the heaviest surgical intervetion that can be done to women ? Getting money and dicks out of their minds."

"Three cheers for rap music. Hip hop... \- Tim Vine"

"In a lesbian relationship... Is their house just a huge kitchen?"